What I Want to Tell My Teens About Sex

My kids are years away from puberty, but from the things that I’ve heard lately about what constitutes acceptable behaviour amongst some teenagers, I feel like I can’t be too prepared for talking about sexuality with my kids when they’re older.

What I’d like to tell my teenagers is that sex (or sexual activity) is not just a physical activity, like jogging.  It connects you to the person you’re being intimate with.  Sex is an amazing gift from God, he has a beautiful plan for sexuality.  I think it’s for bonding two people together who are in a covenant relationship.

Sadly, I feel that the original idea of the gift of sex has been distorted.   I grew up reading Cleo and Cosmopolitan magazines in the 80s – from my memory, the expectations they convey are unrealistic and disregard the heart attachment of sexual encounters.

God has made us with a sexual drive, our teenagers don’t need to be ashamed of having a sexual drive, but being able to control that drive is going to put them in good stead for the rest of their lives.  God didn’t make us like animals, who have sexual desire at one time each year in order to mate and reproduce.  We are beautiful creatures created in God’s image.

In the book “Moral Revolution: the naked truth about sexual purity,” Kris Valloton warns young people that “at the most basic level, the choice to follow impulses of our sex drive without certain limits has serious consequences, even if you succeed in avoiding pregnancy and STDs….the decision to allow any of our physical impulses to rule us is a recipe for disaster.”

Valloton handles the tricky subject of masturbation within the boundaries of God’s best plan for us and with honesty about sexual addiction and possible damage to future relationships, “don’t sexualise people to satisfy your sex drive.  Keep your heart pure in all that you do.”

When the time comes, this will be a book I’ll be recommending to my teens.