A couple who have been married for 70 years say the secret to their happy marriage is one argument a day – that’s 25,550 disagreements to date!! Kath Shevels 91 said – “You have got to get everything out in the open and take the bad with the good.”
This is from an article on Mail Online – by Bianca London.
How exhausting!! Just the idea of an expected argument every day sounds emotionally draining to me. However this technique has obviously been helpful for the Shevels – so good for them.
I see communication as one of, if not THE most important cornerstone to relationships. Being able to speak freely and listen intently and without criticizing or judging is crucial for a relationship to grow, strengthen and survive.
Arguing is part of communicating so it is important to do it well! If you and your partner cannot get through the day without an argument then maybe it is time to look a little deeper, and see where the underlying angst is coming from.
Some of the common reasons are:
Our past – the way we were brought up plays a major role in our relationships. If you witnessed your parents arguing a lot this can either lead you to believe this is how I will communicate or the opposite, I will give in constantly to avoid a clash!
Not speaking out – there are topics that seem too hard to talk about, so you will avoid them. This can be unhealthy as your push these issues down to simmer away… topics that may fall into this category are feeling unfulfilled sexually, or feeling you are not valued or past issues that have never been fully resolved.
Some of the most common reasons we argue are housework, family, money, sex and children. I am sure you can relate to these topics as headlining an argument or two in your relationship! I know I can!!
Arguing is helpful in a relationship. Even though arguing can leave you feeling exhausted, angry and upset, it is a way of getting what is bubbling away inside out in the open.
If there is never an argument in your relationship this usually means one partner is always giving in and agreeing with the decisions, plans and ideas of the other partner. While the person giving in maybe happy to go along with their partner most of the time eventually she/he may feel resentful, unheard and taken for granted.
Try and choose the time and place to discuss what is upsetting you. It is best when you have had time to cool off and the children are out of hearing. I know this is not always how arguments happen! It is “perfect world” stuff! However keep it in mind.
To be able to come together and calmly go through what is on your mind can be more productive in the end.
“You have to be able to laugh. We’ve lasted 70 years, we must be getting something right!” said Mrs Shevals.
That is a good point to end with isn’t it?