The plane trip was a non-event really. Our carry-on bags that were bulging with various forms of sugar and toys and technology were not even exhausted. Nothing noteworthy.
Oh, apart from the lady who sat on me mid-flight. Yes, that.
I was sitting in the aisle seat with little Will on me, reading a book. I felt a heaviness slide on to my shoulders and side. Expecting a squished flight attendant pushing through momentarily, I didn’t take much notice, moving Will onto my right knee. But then the temporary discomfort became more insistent and harder to bear. I looked up to the back of a very large, soft lady collapsed upon me.
She didn’t know I was beneath her. Awkward. I kept still and quiet. And probably red. She wasn’t moving. I didn’t want to make a noise. What would I say?! After a minute of holding her weight, it became clear that she was not well. I tried not to think of what bugs I could potentially be catching.
That’s when the flight attendants arrived. They didn’t see me. They asked her questions, but she was unresponsive. They moved her to the back of the plane, and I breathed. Water was fetched to make her more comfortable. The plane resumed back to normal activity.
I asked her at the end of the flight on the way out of the plane if she was OK, and she joked it must have been altitude sickness. Strange, I thought, not to apologise for sitting on me… But, I was glad she wasn’t ill with a rare overseas bug that would have me in hospital battling for my life, strung up to tubes. So unfortunate to be the one out of the one hundred odd passengers on the plane to be sat on, the unlucky transferee of the wafting, calculating germs deviously looking for fresh meat to latch on to, etc etc. Yes, sometimes my brain does an ‘Amelie’. And, I was glad she was OK (Of course! Albeit secondary thought. The shame.)
Plus, we had also survived the flight. I felt especially less drained from travelling than usual, as I had accidentally became ‘trapped’ at the front of the plane during cabin service. Due to the drama with The Lady That Sat On Me down the back, I had to trek to the front of the plane to use the bathroom facilities. Whilst I was manoeuvring myself around in there, cabin service began from the front of the plane, so when I emerged I was stuck. After some pointless pacing in the metre available to do so, I sat down next to a bewildered elderly man who uttered, “Where did you come from?!”
I slunk into the seat. Don’t mind me….. I turned around to see in the distance my husband manhandling the kids at the back of the plane, juggling coffees, the tablet, and a desperately ready-for-sleep Will.
And so I was forced for the entirety of the cabin service to sit by myself, in quiet, reading a magazine. I did wish I had a coffee to go with it though 😉
So, next time you’re travelling with the kids:
- Make sure to use the plane’s bathroom facilities at the opposite end of where you are sitting near cabin service time, and
- Be prepared to be sat on.
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